‘Have you tried the Salmond? It’s delicious when dressed in oil.’

Southerner, have you seen the Scottish Salmond?
‘The Glory of the Tarton Tories’?
Call it ‘Sardine’, for the amount it swims in oil,
Crude and slick
I’m sick of stories more colourful than ‘Balamory’…
Call it ‘Sardine’, for he has tinned
Highland dreams, to be served
To a team of salivating bankers
Who scrape their forks in frenzied fashion,
Or be left on the shelf: insignificant nation.

“You loved me once, not
“When we shook clenched fists across
“A knee-high wall; instead,
“When we ruled a crest of waves that rose
“Three hundred years tall.
“You loved me, once,” the battered response of
A broken-hearted husband,
“Please don’t leave, but if you do,
I will not share my banks with you.”

“Britannia! Britannia! I rue for Britannia.”

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